I have always been a seeker, a nomad in search of a true sense of belonging.
My travels have taken me to most states and many foreign countries. Raised by a college professor, my dad kept us moving often for the first twenty years of my life, culminating in a four month stint in Bangkok, Thailand in 1973-74.
From there I became a China scholar, living in SE and East Asia off and on for a good part of my twenties. But for as long as I can remember I have dreamt of finding a true sense of belonging somewhere with someone. Now, at age 56, that dream is finally coming to fruition.
In my late forties, a difficult divorce launched me on a profound personal journey of midlife self-discovery and transformation. I went in search of who I was, beyond all other relationships. I wanted to truly know me, and then take full responsibility for myself for the rest of my life, with no more blaming others for anything.
I was taken by complete surprise when I lost my job and 25 year career at age 49. Suddenly set free to change everything at once in my life, the freedom was at first paralyzing and terrifying. Sitting alone for months, considering my options, I finally came up with two experiences I would seek more of in my life: fun and meaning.
At first these may seem contradictory, but the more I thought about it, my plan made perfect sense. For me, fun and meaning translate into the pure joy of creativity. I love to lose all sense of the here and now and escape into a creative space where time no longer exists. This abandonment of my rational mind often leads me to my most creative place, where I can simply trust in the universe and flow.
Learning to live more simply by trusting in my instincts and intuition, led me to an amazing new relationship. When I met him, I recognized him immediately as my soul mate, as he did me. Mike teaches me every day what love is, washing away any previous misconceptions of conditional acceptance. “I will love you if…” is no longer a part of our world.
Then my intuition told me to take my new lover down to Abiquiu, New Mexico. I had only spent a day or so there before, but remembered it as a magical place.
Sure enough, it quickly cast the same spell over him, and within a couple of hours we had made plans to stay longer and began looking for land to buy.
Was it the fabulous red rock canyons everywhere that made us feel like we had just slipped into the middle of the most incredible southwestern painting? Or the dream-like Abiquiu Lake, reflecting those delicious canyons back at us? Either way, this landscape is otherworldly.
Everywhere I felt Georgia O’Keefe’s presence, her brilliant yet austere canvas stood before me. She even spoke to me on our last night there. I dreamt that I was begging Georgia to teach me how to paint. When I awoke I realized she is always teaching me. She teaches me how to paint with my own unique words. She has become my model of a strong, independent woman who followed her heart and intuition, trusting utterly in her own creative vision. This wise woman understood the power of place.
My wisdom tells me that I belong in Abiquiu like I have never before belonged anywhere. This is the place where my creativity can take root and soar. I am drawn to this land. This is my dream space.